Yes, almost two months have gone by since I posted last.
In that time, a lot of things have happened, so let’s catch up. First, remember when I posted that April felt like ‘our month’? Well, it turns out I was right! I still haven’t gotten the full-time job I was offered back in November/the New Year, but I did miss my May period and we’re pregnant again! Now I don’t even want to work full time!
Right now I’m in my 8th week (would have been 9th based on my period, but I had an ultrasound at 7 weeks which put baby’s measurements 6 days behind. And with my last cycle being 35 days, it makes sense that I ovulated late). The ultrasound showed our little speck, and we got to see (but not hear) its little flickering heart beat.
And just for those number-conscious ladies, my miscarriage hCG levels were 19 and then 7. This time, in roughly the same timeframe, they were 587 then 1109. Not 100% doubled, but close enough for me. I feel terrified that the worst may happen again, but I also feel a strange confidence, like I’ve already suffered enough, and there’s surely no force in the Universe that would do that to me again. Surely.
So yes, I’ve attached to this pregnancy just as much, if not more so, than I did to the last one. My husband isn’t even being cautious either. He’s nickname the embryo Ignatius, or ‘little Iggy’. I don’t know why, except to call it something other than ‘it’.
My symptoms aren’t as bad as a lot of people’s, right now I feel pretty nauseated, I’m sleeping a lot, getting dizzy if the shower is too hot, and dry-heaving at the smell/sight of watermelon. I went through a constantly-hungry phase around week 5, and now I sort of feel constantly-full and often gassy. Plus I am complaining a lot.
But I’m actually really happy. John and I have agreed to limit me working to just a 2-3 days a week, though I’m not sure my workplace will even follow through on my request. My boss came up to me as though to convince me to reconsider, asking whether I’d prefer to work ‘as much as possible’ and save up for 9 months. I just told her that since I’ve already had a loss, I want to take it easy, and she asked me when my first trimester is done, because that’s the ‘risky time’. If she doesn’t change my hours like I’ve asked, then I will just go above her head to the store director. I’m sure he won’t need convincing, because he knows I could quit at any time. But I can inform him that since my hours are capped at 28, there’ll be very little difference in my paycheque anyway. For example, 3 days with 8-hour shifts is 24 hours, which is a $25 dollar difference (after tax) from me getting 28 hours, which isn’t even guaranteed – some weeks I’ve gotten 22, 25, etc. anyway. The only difference is, they won’t be able to use me 5-6 days a week like they want, only 3. I’d gladly ‘lose’ $25 a week for that luxury.
But I’ll be much happier to work only 3 days, and spend the rest of the time helping John at home. I haven’t cooked a meal in months, or done a single chore. I know I’ll need to be at home while John’s at work once the baby is here anyway, since my pay doesn’t cover daycare, so I’d like to use this time to get on a schedule and prepare myself for some part-time housewifery.