Update

So my latest weight is 194.2lbs! 

I am pretty excited, it means I have lost almost 16lbs so far, and 7.5lbs this month! I originally had a goal to lose 15lbs by Christmas, and have lost 11.3lbs since I made that goal. And with 9 weeks to go until Christmas, I guess I have two choices.

Either keep my deficit at 500 a day, but let myself eat extra at Halloween/Thanksgiving/Christmas, and stay on track for 4 more pounds lost by then, putting me at 190lbs. Or, I could really push myself to avoid the Halloween candy, exercise off the deep-fried turkey at Thanksgiving, and go easy on the Christmas cookies, and set my goal to lose 9 more pounds in 9 weeks! Then I could be 185lbs by then!

Part of me wants to take it easier, but the idea of being in the 180’s before the year is done is an exciting prospect. I want to be able to go to my pre-conception appointment with my high risk Dr. and weigh in almost 20lbs lighter than I was last time I got pregnant. I want ‘obese’ to be gone from my medical chart. i don’t want it to be a factor in my life or future.

Quick Post

I love losing weight! It really is the gift that keeps on giving :) you get the benefits of a healthier life AND a slimmer body! I love trusting the process, and being (almost) guaranteed to lose a little bit of weight, on time, roughly every few days. I love being able to eat pretty much whatever I want, as long as I stay mindful. I realise I may be one of the lucky ones – but I have had so much bad luck that I definitely feel like I deserve these victories.

We went to Wendy’s a couple of days ago, and I had the Son of a Bacon thing and a small fries – then we went for ice cream after! I prepared for it by having a very light lunch, and then drank plenty of water afterwards and went for a walk with hubby. I’m glad I didn’t have to ‘be good’ and eat a salad (which, at Wendy’s is 3-500 calories anyway, so you might as well have a burger!) and I’m glad I didn’t feel guilty about being a couple of hundred over. It didn’t destroy my progress, so all is good!

Today I weighed in at 196.7lbs – only 0.6lbs down from last week, but means I have lost 5lbs this month already! I could use this as an excuse to eat more for the rest of the month (I lost 5.1lbs last month, and I’d be perfectly happy with 5lbs a month), but I’m going to use it as fuel to maintain my deficit and hopefully lose another pound or two in the next 13 days!

Well, except today. I ate a good-sized breakfast (500+ calories) but threw it all up after taking my multi-vitamin :( so I have no idea how many calories I actually took in, and it could lead me to ‘going over’ because my stomach was emptied. But I’m not all that concerned, as long as I listen to my body.

I also have no idea why I barfed. I felt totally fine up until I took it. The iron in the multi-vitamins have made me nauseous before, but I have never thrown up from them (even when I took them on a completely empty stomach). Pregnancy is not possible as according to my charts I am not supposed to have even ovulated yet. I would blame it on the bad meat we ate last night, but hubby ate most of mine and he’s fine, plus the nausea was timed perfectly with taking the pill, and I felt fine again after puking.

But anyway, I’m chalking today up to a learning experience, and going to start taking my pill after dinner, just in case my stomach wasn’t full ‘enough’ today.

Goal

20141012_072735

I recently posted about being back in ‘onederland’, and I’m happy to say that I this morning my BMI was below 30! 29.90 to be exact! And doesn’t my Mii look like the spitting image of me? Except my legs are not that skinny lol.

Anyway, I am officially overweight! Ahead of schedule! Yay! I have lost 4lbs so far this month, which is averaging 2lbs a week, even though my calories are set up to only lose 1lb a week. So it points to being water weight. Which means I can’t freak out if my weight jumps up again. I just hope it doesn’t jump up enough to wipe out all my victories!

That’s pretty much all my ‘mini’ goals accomplished now, which I am happy about. I started at 210, obese and miserable, and just wanted to get out of the 200’s and out of the obese category for good. Now, I feel like I’m in a much better place emotionally, more of my clothes fit, and I have picked up some healthy habits along the way.

My next goal is 180lbs, which is a mental goal more than anything. That’s the weight I started my journey at – and the weight I got back to after falling off the wagon. That feels like my stubborn weight. I got below it ONCE, I was 179.9lbs at my absolute lowest, but I never got lower than that. It will be a huge victory to blast through it, and keep going :)

Also, most of the clothes I own were bought when I was 180lbs, so I’m hoping by then I’ll be able to wear most items in my closet, unless they’re too big. To me, that’ll be another new beginning.

Dieting Vs. Lifestyle Change

Is there, realistically, a difference? I mean, I see plenty of people claiming they’re changing their whole lifestyle when they begin a weight loss plan – they usually say it when they’re starting out, full of enthusiasm and pep. Heck, I did it myself. I envisioned myself looking like a fitness model and wearing hot pants by 2014, back when I first started losing weight in 2012. I am sure once or twice I thought smugly, this isn’t a diet, this is a lifestyle change. Assuming that difference meant I would be successful.

Except, I went and changed my life right back to my old ways, and gained that 20lbs back, plus 10lbs more after my daughter died. So I couldn’t have changed my default lifestyle that much. I honestly think that you can only really call it a lifestyle change in hindsight. Not when you’re first starting out.

But I’m not on a diet either – I still eat chocolate, McDonald’s, cheap, delicious, fatty cuts of meat, and plenty of artificial sweeteners. I don’t like the phrase ‘on a diet’, as it implies a set of rules that I simply don’t follow. Is there a word for what I do? I count calories, ensuring a deficit most days, and I am making an effort to put more vegetables into my meals. I don’t eat as much ice cream as I used to, but only because ever since I had fillings put in, my back teeth are far too sensitive. I am making an effort to be more active throughout the day also, with gym time and active hobbies. But I haven’t done a full 180 or anything.

And there’s NO way to tell whether the small changes I’ve made will even stick, long term. I hope they do – with ALL my heart, I hope they do, for my health even more than my body size/shape. But I haven’t weathered these changes through things like stress, tragedy, sickness, moving, pregnancy, caring for young children, working, or anything else that crops up and causes people to ‘fall off the wagon’ long-term.

I suppose the only way to ensure I keep behaving in a certain way is to keep my goals and health a priority. No matter what happens. And I realise that’s easy to say during a calm period. But I’m saying it now to help me remember it when things aren’t so calm.

Weight Update & Hiking

Weight-Loss

I am officially back in Onederland! I weighed in this morning at 199.7lbs, and I am thrilled. I have no intentions of ever going back to the 200’s. I am a daily weigher, though, so I’m willing to bet that I’ll dip in and out of the 200’s a couple more times before I’m out completely. My daily weight is often all over the place, so I’ve learned to be fine with fluctuations, as long as the overall trend is downwards.

The past few weekends, hubby and I have been out hiking the trails to take advantage of the National Parks parking pass we got. I kinda love it – it’s hard going at times, but the view and feeling of success when you complete a difficult trail is well worth it. Yesterday we did a 4.3 mile trail, with a very steep downhill then a bunch of uphills, in about 1 hour and 50 minutes. Mentally, it is on par with running, so I’m glad I found something tough to do that doesn’t kill my shin! My legs and buns are burning today though!

Another bonus is, if you spend a day hiking miles and miles, you can pretty much eat whatever you want. Which is good for me this week – my appetite has been crazy! I don’t know whether it’s emotional or a time-of-the-month symptom, but I sure was glad yesterday to be able to eat half the carton of pudding, a pumpkin spice latte, my hubby’s amazing banana bread, and still fit in supper with calories to spare. The past couple of days, I have eaten at about maintenance because of my appetite, so I was happy to get my deficit back after a nice long hike.

My next mini-goal is for my BMI to be below 30. Right now I am at about 30.27, which is considered obese, but in a few more pounds I’ll simply be at the higher end of overweight! It doesn’t feel like a victory when I say it (yay I’m gonna be overweight!) but I’ve never been obese in my life until these past couple of years. I spent about a month at 200lbs around when I first got married, then again a year later I got back to the high 190’s after my miscarriage, and then I got pregnant at 198lbs, so I’ve been obese almost non-stop since about March 2013. It’s not a good place for me. So I am definitely looking forward to just being overweight.

Walking and Weigh-ins

So, I’ve stuck with the elliptical and walking since my shin/calf STILL hurts from that run I did forever ago. I am bummed not to be able to run still, because I do enjoy running. Well, not running, but the period of time afterwards where you’re smug as hell because you did it.

But I also enjoy walking and hiking a lot. We discovered that the walking path we’ve been exploring goes all the way to a nearby park, but because you’re cutting through forest and not following the roads, it’s a LOT more fun and a good way to kill an hour and a half after work :) and the best part about walking is, it doesn’t feel like exercise when you do it. You can wear jeans!

We also got a National Parks parking pass thingy, so we can go to a nearby Park and follow their hiking trails. It does take 45 minutes to drive there, which makes it more difficult to fit in a quick hike after work, but you bet we’ll be there next weekend! The leaves have already started to turn, so I can’t wait to see the forests all red and pretty. I’d also love to try out hiking while the sun is setting and a little after, so once we’re used to the trails, I’m hoping we can strap some lights onto our hats and walk at night.

And remember that time I stepped on the scale one day and weighed my new lowest weight, logged it, then stepped on it again 24 hours later and it was 3lbs higher? No? Well, I probably didn’t mention it because I knew it wasn’t fat – 10k calories above maintenance calories in 24 hours IS possible for me to eat, but I don’t recall eating 2 pizzas and a crate of ramen noodles that day. So I was like pff, it’s just water. I’ll hydrate and it’ll be gone soon enough. Well, 11 days later, I am finally at my new lowest weight! 203lbs exact (previous lowest was 203.7 according to my scale).

Part of it was mental – it’s easy to tell myself I didn’t gain 3lbs, but almost a month of hard work being masked on the scale is willpower-destroying stuff, along with my new-found leg pain. So yes I may have overeaten a couple of times during those 11 days. And me and hubby had our 3 year anniversary, where I ate and drank an excess amount of fancy restaurant fare. Plus, they offered us a free dessert. So I’m not saying that water weight naturally sticks around for 11 days, boo hoo for me. I’m saying, hey, I’m still losing, despite natural and self-made obstacles!

So I feel like I’m at a place right now where I’m happy with the exercise I’m doing, and happy with my calorie deficit, and overall doing pretty well at this whole thing.

OH OH AND AND. I had all my pre-pregnancy jeans dumped in the bottom of my closet all inside out, from trying them on and ripping them off in a huff because they didn’t fit. And hubby went on a mission to gather up and donate/get rid of all his XXLs that are now way too big for him, so while he was doing that he sorted out all my jeans and laid them out for me. And one of the pairs fits!!! Zips up, no muffin top!! I am wearing them right now!!! Wooo!

It’s hardly a victory to fit back into my ‘fat jeans’ considering my hubby has lost 40lbs this year compared to my measly 7, but I’ll take it!

Ouch

I think I pushed myself too far while running. Right after my run both shins hurt, which is normal, but then my right shin pain eased up and left shin pain got really bad. It feels a lot better today, on day 3 of no running, but it really knocked me off my feet for a while.

So I think I will start using the elliptical until the pain is 100% gone.

But not going to the gym for the past couple of days has mentally thrown me off track too. I ate so much food the past couple of nights, knowing it was waaay more than I needed. I seem to do okay in the daytime, but I think as I get sleepy, my inhibitions are lowered and I just crave silly things, like ice cream and chips. And a donut. And a snickers bar. I was too ashamed to log them in MFP but I think I went over by 1700-2000 yesterday, easily.

But I’m not going to beat myself up about that, I’m just going to do better today. I know the excess food has wiped out almost my whole deficit for the week, but I can still achieve ‘maintenance’ by exercising and keeping to my calories for the rest of the week. So I won’t be stuck in the cycle of losing/gaining/losing/gaining.

I just wish running didn’t cause me this pain! I may need to slow WAY down again, if I want to continue running for 20 minutes at a time. Or I may need to just do 1 mile instead of 2, and then add in other cardio. I may need new shoes, but that’s a big investment right now (if I had a spare $100, there’s a number of things I’d buy before shoes). I love running, for the mental aspect, but I may be able to get the same thing from cycling or going on nice long walks.

This whole weight loss business is hard, and it’d be so easy to stop caring right now. I feel like I’ve been ‘stuck’ between 203-207 for forever now. But I am still really excited to get below 200 some time soon, so I am going to drink plenty of water today, and weigh in fresh tomorrow morning to get me 100% back on track.